Worst Pies in Bayville
by scott has a pole up his ass
Summary: Kitty has a pie shop and Magneto walks in unknowingly. Read if you want to, review if you read, be nice if you review. And...yeah. I still have lots of room to type so I'm just gunna fill it up with stuff no one cares about. FLYING MONKEYS!


**I don't own the X-men the Acolytes or Sweeny Todd…and that's it so yeah.**

Magneto walked down the street. He had decided not to fly that day because of the inconvenience of it all. That and people had taken to looking up at him and say 'is it a bird a plane no it's MAGNETO'. Truth be told it was just the other mutants who did it.

But it still very annoying so now Eric Leshnerr was walking through the streets, until he got to a pie shop. He shrugged and walked in, not noticing Kitty at the counter. The he saw her.

He let out a girlish shriek and tried to leave, only making Kitty look up and grin widely.

Kitty gasped: A costumer

Magneto's eyes grew even wider as he started to run to the door only to be pulled back by Kitty and shoved into a seat.

Kitty: Wait what's you rush, what's your hurry-

"I have to umm…clean my bucket hat." Magneto mumbled, standing up and trying to leave again, to be just pushed into his seat again by Kitty.

Kitty: Half a minute can't you? Sit, sit you down. SIT!.

Magneto whimpered.

Kitty: All I mean is that I haven't seen a costumer in weaks. Did you come here for a pie sir? Do forgive me if me head's a little vague.

Magneto whimpered even more when he saw a bug make it's way across his table. Kitty saw too and picked it up and threw it out a window.

"What was that?" Magneto asked only to be met by a shrug.

Kitty: But you think we'de have the plague from the way the people keep avoiding-

Magneto jumped out of his chair when a bunch of bugs started to cover it. Kitty lead him to a different one despit his proests.

"I can't imagine why people wouldn't want to come here." Magneto remarked sarcastically.

"No you don't." Kitty spat, throwing the chair also out the window, then went on with her song.

Kitty: Heaven knows I try sir-

"Well obviously trying is not enough." Magneto surveyed the place "It looks worse than the Brotherhood Boarding house in here."

Kitty glared at him then went on: But there's no one comes in even to inhale. Right you are sir would you like a drop of ale?

Magneto shook his head, while Kitty handed him his mini pie that was covered in dust.

Kitty: Mind you I can hardly blame them, these are probably the worst pies in Bayville.

Magneto eyed his pie and flipped it over, making dust go up in the air, only for him to nearly choke on the dust. He eventually waved away the dust and resumed glaring at the pastry.

Kitty: I know why nobody cares to take them. I should know, I make them.

"That's probably why they don't take them." Magneto muttered, making sure Kitty could not hear him.

Kitty: But good? No! The worst pies in Bayville. Even that's polite. The worst pies in Bayville. If you doubt it take a bite.

Magneto did not doubt it. Not in the least, but figured to be nice and not get his heart phased out of his body he should eat some. So he did. And he heard a sickening drunch when he did. He would have thrown up, except he like living.

Kitty handed him some water: Is that just disgusting? You'll have to concede it, it's nothing but crusting. Here take this, you'll need it. The worst pies in Bayville.

Magneto drank the water hastily and then kept on drinking even when there was no water left. Kitty took no notice to that and continued to make pies, this time in an angry way, pounding everything with all her strength.

Kitty: And no wonder with the price of meat, what it is when you get it. Never thought I'd live to see the day. Many think was a treat finding poor animals who are dying in the street. Jubilation has a pie shop. Does her business but I noticed something weird.

Magneto rolled his eyes and pretended to care "Oh and just **what** could that be?"

Kitty: Lately all her neighbors cats have disappeared. Have to hand it to her, wot I calls enterprise popping pussies into pies. Wouldn't do in my shop. Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick, and I'm tellin' you them pussie cats is quick.

"You're taught by the Wolverine and put through hourse of work in the danger room and you can't even catch a cat? Really? That's just pathetic." Magneto ranted, being cut off by Kitty who was still singing.

Kitty: No denyin' times is hard sir.

"You live in a mansion for crying out loud! Nothing can be hard for you!" Magneto yelled, unsuccessfully trying to make her stop singing and let him go.

Kitty: Even harder than the worst pies in Bayville. Only lard and nothing more, is that just revolting? All greasy and gritty, it looks like it's molting. And tatses like…well pity. A woman alone, with limited wind and the worst pies in Bayville!

With that Magneto could tell that she was nearing the end of the song and started edging closer to the door. Making it very obvious that he was edging closer to the door. He needs sneaky lessons.

Kitty: Ah sir. Times is hard. Times is hard!

Magneto ran out of the pie shop as quick as he could and then remembered that he could fly. Magneto flew back to the base and was greeted with the not happy faces of his acolytes.

Sabertooth looked up from his steak that Remy had made "So, how'd your alone time go, bucket head?"

Magneto glared at him and put on a fake smile "Great. In fact I went to this amazing little pie shop-"

"PIE!" Pyro yelled, jumping out of his seat and running to Sabertooth and Magneto "Sabey get me pie!"

Sabertooth growled at him.

"Yes, Sabertooth get Pyro some pie will you?" Magneto grinned manically.

Sabertooth looked back and forth between the two of them and grunted "Fine.

Later that day.

Sabertooth walked inside Kitty's pie shop "Hey! Anyone here!"

Kitty came out and grinned at him "A costumer!"

That night Sabertooth went back to the base barfing and had to stay in bed from the stomach flu for the next week. Even worse Kurt got Remy and Pyro to let him in to take pictures to give to Wolverine and post on the internet.

Kurt also showed the pictures to Kitty who felt so bad about making Sabertooth sick that she went over to the base with Jamie to give him chicken soup that hse had made. That made him even sicker and he had to stay in bed for another week after that.

Kurt got pictures of that too.


End file.
